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Hey guys,

I’m here again, writing whatever comes into my head. I am going to write my end of year post later on in the month.

Today I just wanted to remind you all that you are loved and you’re all amazing in your own ways!

Keep shining and taking each day as it comes. This life is so fucking hard and we can get bogged down in everything, please remember to breathe.

You can do this!!

Have a good Christmas (if you celebrate it).

Love and light!! Xx

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Scared of Lonely

The title of this post is a song by Beyoncé off her I am Sasha Fierce album. It’s actually one of my favourite songs of that album.

The lyrics are so meaningful and I advise everyone to listen to it. Like the lyrics of the song I am so fucking scared of being lonely.

When I say lonely I don’t mean being alone in my solitude (because I actually quite enjoy that). I mean being completely lonely with no other half…

I know that even if I never had another half I would be great, I came to this planet alone and I’m pretty sure I’m leaving it alone. And after everything I have been through in this life I know I can survive on my own.

However, having said that I still believe in fairytales. I read so many romance books and I guess I am a sucker for love. But I am not ignorant to the fact that life isn’t a fairytale and not everyone gets a happy ending like the novels.

It’s just nice to be wanted by the opposite sex sometimes, oh well a girl can dream…

Till I write again

Love and light!! X

I’ve learnt part 2

I’ve learnt that it’s okay to cry.

I’ve learnt that sometimes you just need to take a step back and breathe.

I’ve learnt that no one is coming to save you, you have to learn to save yourself.

I’ve learnt that you need to be your own best friend.

I’ve learnt that I am not my thoughts.

I’ve learnt to take each day as it comes.

I’ve learnt that I am smart, kind and beautiful.

I’ve learnt that minimal expectations leads to minimal disappointments.

I’ve learnt that you have to create your own path.

I’ve learnt that you have to stand for something or you will fall for anything.

Till I write again

Love and light! Xx

World Mental Health Day

Today as you may know is WMHD, I understand it’s just a day highlighted in the calendar to some people. To others it’s everything..

Over the last 6 years I have seen psychologists on and off to help deal with my depression. The moment I got diagnosed with depression I was happy and scared at the same time. I was happy because I could finally put a name to what I was feeling and that horrible feeling of (there must be something wrong with me settled). However I was also scared because growing up in a Nigerian household- mental health does not get discussed. It’s always brushed under the carpet!!

As I have gotten older and through therapy, I’m understanding myself so much better, and finally beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin!! I will not lie and say it’s easy because it’s really not, I still have my days of feeling so unbelievably shit that I don’t even have the energy to get out of my bed, or the days where the urge to take the blade across my skin is so strong.

What I am trying to say is keep going in this life, please take one day as it comes. Recovery is a process and you are not alone in this journey. Keep being your beautiful self and if people can’t understand you then fuck them, what they think about you is a reflection of them not you!!

Please be kind to each other because a lot of us are fighting an internal battle that we sometimes cannot vocalise.

Love and light always!!

Till I write again. Xx

Cry Me A River

The title of this post resonates with me so much, let me tell you why.

I’ve cried over so many people in the past, whether it be family, friends, men. Shed so many fucking tears, salty liquid carrying so much emotion rolling down my eyes!!

I’ve cried tears where they just roll down your eyes and I’ve cried real guttural tears, also tears where you are crying and no water is even coming out..

I can admit that I love crying, there is something so freeing in the act and emotion, so when people call me a cry baby I take no offence to it because I am and so WHAT!!

But now is the time to stop crying for people they are seriously not worth my tears. People will always leave and I’ve been saying this for years, I’m just glad that I know I can survive this journey without them.

It’s now time for people to cry me a fucking river, it’s only fair…

I’ve learnt

For a while I’ve been noticing that when I take a step back that things are much clearer ( I know obvious right)!!

I’ve noticed that when you don’t reach out to people a lot of the time they don’t reach out to you. I’m not ignorant to the fact that everyone has their own shit to be dealing with and are trying to slay their own demons. So I’ve learnt not to take people’s absence personal.

I’ve learnt that as each day passes we are one step closer to death (you may think it’s morbid but hey it’s true) and you have to not let shit get to you. You may have more yesterday’s than tomorrows!!

I’ve learnt that I fucking love my solitude (so much so it may be seen as a problem) but hey I don’t really give a fuck about your opinion because what a person thinks of me is not my concern..

I’ve learnt that doing activities that make you happy or make life a little better for yourself is so important.

I’ve learnt that you don’t gain anything by being a fucking prick..

I’ve learnt not to miss people and not to let them take space in my mind.

I’ve learnt that I am a diamond and a lot of people will not appreciate it or understand it but that’s got nothing to do with me.

I’ve learnt to be kind for no reason.

I’ve learnt to celebrate with people and be happy for them so that one day people will celebrate with you.

I’ve learnt a lot but it’s too long to write in one post so maybe I’ll continue it another day..

Just to remind you to live and love you, you are your longest commitment. Once you invest in you, you can help to invest in others!!

Love and light always!!

Till I write again!! Xx

Daily reminders

Recently I turned 27! I seriously can’t believe that I got to this age, because in all honesty I thought I’d be dead by 25! So now I’m here I’m like I don’t know what to do!! I can’t believe that in a couple of years I’ll be in my 3rd decade on this planet!! So I guess this post is going to be what advice I would give myself:

  • Love yourself always (this is so fucking hard but you learn how to do it- tell yourself a one nice thing a day, it’ll stick)
  • Remember you are smart, kind and beautiful
  • Your worth does not lie in the hands of anyone
  • Whatever anyone thinks about you is not your concern
  • Always put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, when you look back you would have gone so far
  • As you get older you tend to not give a shit about things- no point in stressing over things you can’t change
  • No one is going to fucking save you, you have to learn that only you can save yourself
  • Sprinkle that Black Girl Magic everywhere
  • People will let you down and sometimes not be there when you need them to be- try not to take it personally
  • People will not like you- that’s not your business
  • Do no harm but take no shit
  • You are not your thoughts
  • Try not to dwell on shit
  • If they do not pay your bills, please pay them no mind
  • There is no timeline to do things in life, go at your own pace and do not let anyone rush you!!

I hope that people can also apply this advice to themselves…

Till I write again

Love and light!! Xx

Fear

We all have fears, I don’t think we’d be human without them. The thing with fear is that you cannot let it define you or control you because if you do, the outcome is not a good one.

I fear that I am not living my best life, I fear that I’m not doing enough, I fear that I am not good enough, I fear that I may never find true love, I fear that I may not achieve my dreams, the list goes on and on…

But I try everyday to ensure that I don’t pay these fears attention and do the best that I can. All I can do is take one step at a time and to be perfectly honest that is enough..

So my advice to anyone who is reading is try hard not to listen to your fears, try your hardest not to give into them because by doing so is stopping you from living. Fears can be so fucking debilitating and they are also really annoying. Just put one foot in front of the other and I have faith that everything will work out for you..

Till I write again please keep shining

Love and light always

Xx

Please stop asking me about marriage

The title of this post is very important because it seems people can’t seem to mind their business!!

I’m going to be 27 soon and the world and it’s mother keeps asking me ” so when are you going to get married?” Or another one of my absolute favs (sarcasm obviously) is “where’s the husband?”

Sometimes I want to shout at the people asking why don’t you mind your own fucking business and focus on your own fucking life, whatever I do with my life is my decision!!

As a woman who is British Nigerian your life is always planned out for you. First you go to school then college then uni and once you have your degree the next thing is a good job and then marriage and children. And if you should ever be bold to deviate from the plan then there is obviously something wrong with you!!

What people fail to understand is that not everyone can follow this path- we are all different and we all have to work at different timetables. Life would be pretty boring if everyone did shit at the same time!

And the thing is some of us may not even want to get married! I think people need to stop putting marriage as the pinnacle of life, they also need to get rid of the notion of that if you don’t marry you have failed in life. You really haven’t! I’d rather be single than to be in a relationship that will cost me my life or happiness.

I’m seriously just doing me and learning to be comfortable in my own skin, if I eventually get married that’s great, if I don’t then that’s great also. I just want to SLAY in life!!

Thankfully my parents aren’t the ones adding pressure on me!!

So if anyone asks you about marriage, answer them in any way that you see fit!!

Till I write again

Love and light always!! Xx